We were dancing around,
Every foot, every bound.
Laughing we were,
As people entered the blur.
Her hips skirted left,
As her lips flirted deft.
She was smiling and beguiling.
These things marked the beginning of the trance.
The ending of our dance.
Her mask began to crumble,
And seeing her true face surely made me stumble.
Her grace and her flawlessness was all a display.
That mask truly did betray.
Behind my mask there is a man who is broken.
To remove it, I would be left in pieces.
Pieces as distorted as your smile with its remorseless creases.
There I sat perched upon that fine log.
Waiting with lustful eyes directed at the attention-saturated children.
They knew not of my sorrows, my longing, my hunger.
They stood there watching me with eyes that voiced the words of my father.
“You’re not good enough,” they pleaded.
“You’re not worthy to me,” they barked.
I fell victim to these dark and beady eyes.
Like poison-tainted tips of an ever unseen blade, they did jab.
I wanted to do nothing more than cry and repent before these eyes.
I wanted to be more special, more unique, more desirable.
My words fell short, however;
And time was theirs once more.
The fire crackled with the taste of new prey as my father threw the helpless bark over the quickly dimming ember.
I could do nothing more than restrain my tears that ached to cascade over my forever-torn heart.
But my hands had a mind of their own.
What felt like infinity marked mere seconds in the Book of Time.
I shrieked and I clamored as my hands caressed the mounting flames.
No one told me that fire could burn you.
My father just watched as I groped the floor seeking comfort that was forbidden to me.
His eyes judged me like that of a nobleman looking down upon a lice-infested beggar.
Disgust is what I have come to label it.
It’s disgust that made me unlovable to all who see me through pity-lacking eyes.
It’s disgust that defines me in this life until my fateful end.
What it means to be,
Is more than simply what the eye can see.
What it means to me,
Is that I can live my life without thee.
“It waits for us darlin’, right over the bend.”
Indeed it does.
No matter how much you clean and you scrub,
Yesterday happened, and there is no because.
You want to throw the world a curveball right back,
But the world itself wasn’t working against you.
You want answers,
And I want nothing.
You scream and raise your voice because I am not all that understanding.
But I get it; I do.
You want me to fill in the blanks and your pockets,
But I cannot.
I am human to every extent, and I understand the unknown.
It isn’t there for you torment yourself or to try to unmask.
It is simply there, but you believe it is watching you; contemplating.
You blame me for my lack of understanding.
But I surely do feel, and I see what you want.
These answers aren’t for you to snatch.
Maybe you’ll come to understand that once you pass the bend.
White, white, white.
White is all you see.
You rush onto the field believing that it is just a dream.
Oh, these daisies are a sign within this very dark place.
Lost in this seemingly endless cave, you can finally see the light.
The light, why, it’s no light at all!
These daisies are real,
And innocence reigns over you once more.
It’s caught you in its attractive Victorian ideal.
It’s all you’ve ever asked for.
These white daisies are here to embrace you,
As tears stream down your enlightened cheeks.
These daisies seek something that they could possibly call new.
You are their voice, from which speaks,
Speaks of a joyous time.
Times when charcoal didn’t stain after every single crime.
I’ll give and receive,
I’ll plaster on the smile to deceive,
But I won’t let anyone be displeased.
People say its a disease.
I’d surely disagree.
What do they know?
With there fancy titles,
And competitive bridals.
People want me to give all that I can.
My time, my money, my blood.
And even then with nothing left I wish there was more I could.
The smile that’s stuck on this face is stuck in its old ways.
Like how things were back in the ol’ days.
I don’t like to say no,
So I’ll to try my best and give it a go.