The Moon, the Sun, My Friend

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If she’s the moon,
I’d give anything to be her star.
Joy falls rather soon,
On all both close and far.

If she’s the sun,
I’d be pleased to be the grass.
To be hit by one of her shining rays, even but one,
Would revitalize my entire mass.

If she’s my friend,
I’d do everything I can to keep her by.
No road would be without a bend;
Without a moon to shine up high,
Reminding me that she’s definitely mine.

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Journal #73- When I’m in Pain

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Topic: When I’m in pain — physical or emotional — the kindest thing I can do for myself is…

Give myself time. Lots of time. I have to put everything else on hold and learn how to breathe. That’s something a lot of us forget to do, so we’re just left there holding our breaths or always trying to catch it after it leaves.

I put my deadlines and my thoughts on hold, and go wherever the white lines take me. Sometimes I’m walking, sometimes I’m running, other times I’m biking, but most of the time I’m dreaming.

If I’m in physical pain I’ll take the time to heal or wait for the pain to dissipate. When I’m in emotional pain, I have to give myself space from whatever the trigger is. I’ll eventually come back to the target when my mind had time to let itself go, but never anytime before. Dangerous things happen when you try to work through the pain.

That’s a solid tip I’d give to anyone. Give yourself time even when you feel like there’s no time to be spared. You’re body, state, and mind will thank you later on. It helps keep us all from turning black and blue.

ALSO: check out the newest FTG video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMlEB0YxTKU

Journal #72 – Supportive People

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Topic: Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support you, and who you can genuinely trust.
           My family in general genuinely support me. I don’t think any of them have it on their agenda to harm me or anything.
           If I had to narrow this list of people to five people outside of family, I’d have to say: Kelly, Deepti, Kim, Allen, and Jasmine. That’s a hard list to narrow down too. There are definitely others that I’d like to add, but I’ll focus on these five. It’s not even so much that I’m constantly in touch with these five people, but I do trust them tremendously.
          If I did something huge and out there, I know that Deepti and Kelly would have my back. It would take a lot for me to not trust Kelly. Deepti knows so much about me, and we’re close on so many levels. There’s no way I could not add her to the list. As for Kim, there’s no one more openly kind that I know. I could be drowning in anxieties or regret, and she would be there to pull me back up. I trust her with my life because she’s always looking out for me.
           And then there’s Allen. I haven’t talked much to Allen recently,  but I definitely trust him. He’s the logical one who says what needs to be said. I trust him his opinion above a lot of peoples’. Lastly, there’s Jasmine. Jasmine knows a solid portion of my life. She knows what’s up all the time. I trust her ideas and her remarks, as well as I trust her in general.
          I’m a very open person, but it takes a lot for me to genuinely trust someone. Time and commitment has to be thrown into the mix too. The friends that I trust are friends for a lifetime. That I know for sure.

Journal #71 – Unconditional Me

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Topic: What would you do if you loved yourself unconditionally? How can you act on these things whether you do or don’t?

That is such a mind-boggling question. I’m not to be on ‘what ifs.’ If I loved myself unconditionally, everything in my life that’s internally processed would be on the right track. My actions would reflect that too, besides what I cannot control within my environment.

No one loves themselves unconditionally. I can’t even believe that it is a capable feat for man. You can love yourself a lot, sure, but that’s not unconditional love. And if you loved yourself unconditionally, would you always put yourself first? In movies, when a lover says he/she loves his/her partner unconditionally, he/she is always ready to die for their partner. So would you be willing to go to the same lengths for yourself?

Journal #70 – What Others Should Know

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Topic: I really wish others knew this about me…
But I’m really scared of the unknown. In my mind, I can work out a million scenarios, and all of them can be way worse than how reality really is. I’m scared of the uncertainty in certain situations, and that can make me quite anxious. This can be applied to new classes or work, and all sorts of things really. Some people look at me and see the things that I’ve done, and they easily, yet wrongfully, assume that I can tackle the great unknown with a smile. That’s not always the case with me.

Journal #69 – What’s Enough for Me

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Topic: Name what is enough for you.
This, whatever it is, is enough for me. And I’m saying this in terms of the present time. For all I know, in a month from now or however long ahead in the future, I can say otherwise. I can say it’s too much or just not enough. But for now, this is enough for me. It’s not where I thought I’d be, but it’s where the wind has taken me.
-late journal-