Pocket It

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Got a pocket full of truth,
From my life and from my youth,
But today I’ll rest my head.
I’ll sing a song,
Let the dead,
Wander onward long.

That Sophomore Me

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I haven’t moved away from media in years,
I want to say in high school.
That was a different story when,
I wasn’t as leveled and cool.
I remember fixating my attention to all sorts of activities and people back then.
People of monsters and men.
They were people I came to know.
We went uphill and down the slopes so low.
I remember those days well,
They were mine alone, and rather swell.
I hope to find that same place.
Argue my new case.
Shy from the buzz,
Try not to adhere to the ringing.
I’ll be just fine with that simplistic view.
It’s all that I had once knew.

HH Journal 12 – What I Want to Be

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Topic: Reflection to perfection.
I believe that we all search for different things, but the endpoint is all the same; happiness. Some can find it in a fulfilling career, others in friends, some in family, others in relationships. I’d like to assume that mine would lie in a career considering how school-focused I have always been. But as soon as I stepped away from such a heavy focus on hitting the books, I realized that we tend to find different forms of happiness in all fields. There’s happiness from friends and family and work and knowledge and so on. The one that I believe I have waited for, or have put on a hold in a sense, is that which comes from finding someone I could see myself happy with. That’s a major life event if you consider the stages of development in psychology. Intimacy v. Isolation. I don’t think it’s all that simple or easy to generalize, but I understand the concept.
I told myself there is always time for that in the future, whenever I feel as though I’m ready for that. I believe I’m at a better place now than where I was a year ago. Good stuff I suppose.
I also know I don’t want to fall for something resembling that of what I said I wouldn’t. I knew how a certain person in my life was when it came to relationships. And I told myself, never someone like him. The fear instilled in me was that I’d end up falling for a similar thing, but with a different face. That fear is more real than ever.
Place me in between a rock and a hard place, and I’ll push my way through. Place me in between the thing I want to avoid and what I actually want, and you’ll see that I’m stuck and too scared to find a way up. I’m a big girl now, in a bigger world. I think it’s time to revert to where I started from. He will build me back up, like a disease to which our antibodies come to recognize now; stronger.

HH Journal 10 -Decayin’ While I’m Prayin’

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Topic: Reflect on where you were before this semester, and where you stand now afterwards.

Before the semester started, I was in all sorts of stories. I got to watch them unravel or wind up. It’s weird I’ll tell you that. I’m not the same person I was before the semester, but I don’t think that bothers me too much. It’s not that I wasn’t a fan of that girl before, but I like who I am now too. I liked them both, for different reasons.

One gave me hope in ideals bigger than man while the other helped me walk away from chasing something that can’t be captured.

My body feels different, as does my mind. My mind has made some new tracts in my mind, and every now and then I go down those tracts. Its fun to see where they lead. My mind didn’t do a 360 though. I am who I am. I can look in the mirror and see a familiar face. The thing is that it’s a face that has seen the four seasons and has grown past them.

I’m solid. I’m doing pretty good. I’m not turning into brittle, or however that expression goes. I’m not crumbling under stress or withering with the wind. I’m far from decaying. I feel as though I was that plant someone forgot to water, and now that the rain has finally come, I’m turning all sorts of green. So let me grow. Let me do my thing.

My thing isn’t wrong or strange or absurd. It’s just my way of living. I feel as though I’m going to be reaching all new heights in the near future. And I am excited for them. Both hands clasped together you’ll find me there praying. Praying for all sorts of things. Most importantly though, I’m praying for those ideals I realized were beyond anyone’s reach.

Clutch

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I told myself I loved this;
Told myself this is it.
This is what I wanted.

Don’t look back,
There’s so much above,
Lose that track,
Get back into the mix.

I want what I got.
I miss where I was.
I love my new lot,
I just hate this new buzz.

I like where I’m standing.
I don’t care that it’s not solid.
I don’t care about much.
But I’m not driving a clutch.
I’m going full speed up on, ahead.
You won’t find me withering on my death bed.

A Situation

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We got ourselves a situation here kid.
And it’s looking kind of messy.
High bids;
Low cards, Jesse.
Tell me you have the winning card,
That lucky streak,
My fateful guard.
My towers are falling,
Remnants in the creek.
Everything is badly charred.
And your cards are looking bleak.