HH Journal 7 – Chasing Boulders

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Topic: Do you ever go after something you shouldn’t have?

I call it chasing boulders, and I certainly have. It’s when you’re running after something because you want it so bad or because you feel as though you have to.  All the while, you’re running after something possibly bigger than you, smarter than you, faster than you, better than you, etc etc. Whatever your boulder is, you seem to come to the conclusion that you can actually reach this boulder, stop it, and therein grasp it.

For starters, this is a boulder we’re talking about. It’s massive and strong. It is terrifying to behold too. Secondly, it carries more force than you, and it gains so much momentum going downhill. How you can ever so much as reach it is beyond reason. Thirdly, it’s going downhill for a reason. Some things are meant to escape or leave your realm. Finally, if you were somehow able to reach it and grab it, how would you grasp it in your hands? And what would you do with it once you have it?

Those are surely big questions. Maybe even painful questions.

I’ve done my fair share of chasing boulders. I might be chasing my own boulder of sorts right now. The only thing worse than chasing a boulder is having a boulder chase you. That is when you really take in the weight this boulder carries.

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Journal – “I Am Not Fireproof”

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Topic: Be real for a second, and shake things up. Put a spin on the day, and freeze the frame. Magnify the view, and share it with the world.

Do you ever hear something, and you’re left with that resonating impact? I feel it vibrating under my skin, and it’s lingering in my mind.

“Fallin’ again, I need a pick-me-up. I’ve been callin’ you ‘friend,’ I might need to give it up. I’m sick and I’m tired too. I can admit, I am not fireproof. I feel it burning me. I feel it burning you.”

– The NBHD

It’s weird how we all interpret lyrics to fit into our own form of consciousness. I’ll say this entirely relates to me, and you can say the same for yourself. But we will hold onto two different meanings. My environment and my experiences colored my lens. And now I see things through maroon eyes. Don’t tell me that I’m wrong and that I have it all mixed up if your lenses are hunter green or coral pink. We walk in different shoes, and we wear different emotions and labels. Let me see the world the way that I think it relates to me. Don’t subject me to your woven consciousness.

Poetic spin: I am not fireproof. I have thick skin, but I can still get burned. Maybe we don’t want to notice the flames, but babe, we’re walking through some heightening flames.

Metaphysical spin: Call it a friend. Call it by it’s nature. Admit that we’re sick and dying; that there are too many injuries to tend. We got burns over our burns. Nightmares causing our tosses and turns.

Attractive Options

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I’m on the wrong side of the road,
But I like the perspective from here.
Thoughts easily flowed,
And I think I like what I hear.

There’s another attractive option from my right,
And it might be something I’d go for.
I’d like to say that it’s upright,
But I know it’s against what I swore.

Journal #66 – Something Exciting

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Topic: What do you love about life?

I love the excitement that you casually experience from time to time. They come from all sorts of things. Sometimes it’s the thrill you get when you’re adventuring off into unknown areas, or when you meet someone new and amazing. That excitement can be exhilarating.

People can surprise you. I love it when people can knock me off of my feet and take me on an adventure that’s both exciting and novel to me. It’s not always in a physical sense too; those people who can drag me into an exciting conversation over real issues are honestly the best. I love those kind of people, and those kinds of experiences. .

Journal #53 – Everything I Would Say Yes To

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Topic: Make a list of everything you would want to say yes to.

●Traveling to a random state. Any date. Any month. Any time.
●Being a bridesmaid. Cause, like, I feel like it would be an awesome experience.
●Driving out all night further up north just to lay down and see the stars.
●Another experience.
●Buying a Mord Sith outfit.
●Trying a non-spicy food I haven’t had before.
●Going hiking on a new trail.
●Running under a waterfall.
●Dying my hair a purple or a red.
●Going platinum white.
●Meeting Cam Fowler, or any of the Ducks players for that matter.
●Having a karaoke night with a certain group of friends. With the song BBHMM, of course.
●Learning to bake a pie.
●Learning how to cook things besides breakfast foods.
●Going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show again one day.
●Finding out what love means to me personally.
●Meeting new people that I click with on all sorts of levels.
●Having another bonfire with my friends. Daily.
●Going on a several month leave just to volunteer around the world with wildlife.
●Petting a penguin.
●Going to the White House as am intern for their Environmental Policy program.
●Being am intern at Lionsgate.
●Writing and showcasing a killer screenplay.
●Making a song. (Not singing it though)
●Meeting all of my favorite bands.
●Exploring the unknown.
●A solid cup of coffee.

Journal #53 – Passion

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Topic: What is your passion?
       My passion has many facets. Emotions say that it’s whatever makes me intoxicated with joy and excitement. Physicality says that it’s that tactile feeling of something new and exhilarating. Logically, it is finally reaching or achieving that thing that has always been beyond my grasp.
       Altogether, it’s hard to say that one single thing does all of these at once. I have many passions, of varying degrees, and they help define my character. What I love is the shading of an artist’s sketch. What I strive for is the coiling of a potter’s bowl. What I yearn for is the detailing of a carver’s scuplture.
     My passion is to write; my passion is to experience. What exactly? I’m not too sure. It’s usually in the moment that I know. This things aren’t negative things, but they can range from all levels of importance. My passions are varied, like my personality traits.

Journal #45 – Gratefulness

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Topic: What are you grateful for?

I’m grateful for my life, my friends, my family, my living situation, my aid for college, my past experiences, and so much more. I could make this into a long, disastrous list, but I’ll save you all from such a horror.

I’m grateful to be alive because I could have so easily not have been conceived. If you think about it, it would only take one tiny difference to have my entire existence erased. Examples: If the sperm never reached the egg, if my grandfather never married my grandmother, if my mom never worked at Ticketmaster, if my grandmother stopped after three kids, etc.

I’m grateful for my friends because I love each and every one of them so much. It’s mental. Practically every friend of mine has affected me in some way or another. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for my friends. They have been there when I’ve hit the floor and they have been there when I was on top of the world. People affect people. They have affected me, whether they know it or not. Some more than others, surely, but they have all had some sort of impact on me.

I’m grateful for my family because they have been there since the beginning. A lot of my early memories are based off of them. They molded my personality to a certain degree. They have been my influences for years. I owe them so much when they expect so little. And I love them.

I am grateful for so many things. And I hope that others take the time to really appreciate all that they have every now and then.