Saving Grace

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I found myself crying on the bus,
Wanting to protect them;
Wanting to shield them.

I want them to feel loved,
And I need to believe in a just cause,
But where the justice runs dry,
I’m left there wanting to cry.

I’ve built this ideal into my frame of self.
It’s what I’ve always thrived for.
It’s why I keep my palms bare, asking for more.

I’ll protect the ones who can’t protect themselves.
I thought people were the only ones in need of saving,
But there’s an open road in need of paving.
Let me lay my concrete down;
Let me close those cracks in the ground.

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‘Holy Spit’

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You’re always on my side,
Even when I think you’re against me.
There are times when I slip then slide;
Fall straight down on both knees.

I could think that you wanted this to happen,
Or that I deserved what I got.
But that’s not how you work,
You don’t look at my quirks,
And judge them so harshly so;
You don’t trample me with blows.

You’re not holding me down,
Or watching me, passively, drown.
You’re hand has been out there,
Open,
Waiting for me to bear it.

Journal #65 – Hurt

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Topic: What always brings tears to your eyes?

The one thing that definitely always brings tears to my eyes is having to watch someone (or an animal) be abused and hurt right before my eyes, whether it’s in a video or in real life. It’s an entirely different level too if there’s nothing that I can do about it. I feel their pain and feel as though the hurt descends down onto myself just watching it happen.

I feel the need to do something, anything really, to make things right. I think this is why the ideal of justice has always pulled to me. Now I just have to decide whether to go Criminal Justice or Environmental Science, or maybe something in between.

Journal #50 – Fundamental Life Values

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Topic: What are your fundamental life values?
              Seek the truth in all things, do what’s right even when right hurts more than what’s wrong, and be humble. I can make an entire list for you, but I can bring it down to those three.
At first glance, I thought about referencing the Ten commandments, but I don’t know if I’d say they are my fundamental life values. I try to stay true them, yes, but at the core of it, they aren’t the ones that define my character.
           I seek the truth in all things because the truth is what matters. We live in a world where life becomes so saturated with lies, that it gets to the point where it’s hard to differentiate the two. And even worse, we become somewhat apathetic to the line that divides them. The truth is what I live for. I want to be honest with myself and with everyone, and in doing so the truth is what sets me apart.
          Doing what is right is a monumental pillar in my foundation. Justice has always been a concept/movement/ideal that I’ve gravitated towards. Whether that’s as a cop or as some sort of wildlife/conservation-focused worker. I want peace and I want equality as much ad the next guy, but more than that, I want justice. I want people to understand justice and to understand how important it is. If you seek the truth, the urge for justice should follow.
          And then there is the fundamental value of being humble. I humble myself to that of any other individual. I’m not perfect, and I know that there are times where cockiness or selfishness can make it seem like I’m the furthest person from it. But I try. And that is what matters.

Journal #6- If Not That, Than This

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Topic: If not for financial matters, where would you want to work?

 That’s the big question, isn’t it? The thing that many people don’t like to have to admit is that money does matter. Money doesn’t readily buy happiness, but it provides security and therefore comfort. And that comfort gives people leverage. They can comfortably do what they want to do in life, without having to worry about their current economic status.

Now, I’m not rich, and I honestly don’t believe I ever will be. That’s not because it’s an impossible goal to reach for. I’m smart and I have a million opportunities available to me to make that more of a reality. But, my passions in life, in regard to potential career choices, don’t bring home the bacon. And I’m fine with that. I preferably want to make enough where I don’t have to worry about money, and enough to cover any family or friend who needs the financial help.

   My heart is currently torn between a Criminal Justice major and an Environmental Science major. I love both job field, as they are both quite appealing, but I can really only choose one if I wish to devote my sole time and focus into a long-standing career. I also don’t want to try to mix the two because I feel like something would be lost in the process.

Right now, I’m leaning more so towards an Environmental Science major. I can see myself as a park ranger or a wildlife conservationist. Either way, however, I won’t be bringing in the big bucks. That I know for sure. The same applies to being a cop. I would make a decent amount of money, but it would never equate to being rich.

If I didn’t have to worry about my future financial situation, I would probably be a zookeeper. That job would be amazing. I’d love to work with penguins for a living. The thing is, they don’t make a solid living. And I have to take into consideration my future welfare.

    Money doesn’t color my perception. It is also something I don’t ignore. I know how important money is nowadays. I will eventually pick a career that fulfills my greatest passion in life, but that will also give me some level of economic comfort. I don’t plan on dwelling too long and hard on the financial aspect of it all until that time has come. Thinking solely of money can really poison a mind. And there’s no happiness in that; at least none that is pure in form.