Feel it Fill the Room

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I pushed the doors wide open then shut,

And I was greeted with warmth.

No questions, no whats,

Just a smile, suiting our norms.

I’ve missed having that.

I missed knowing I was missed.

There was nothing to get at.

There was just me in the midst.

I can smile down and feel it fill the room.

I can smile looking upwards too,

Knowing just whom,

That smile was to.

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Inspired Journal

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I called it quits with daily journals awhile back ago. But my friend Ruben reminded me how important such journals are. I knew that people read them, but I didn’t think anyone was truly inspired by them. It’s not that I believed my writing was horrid or anything. I just didn’t think they carried much significance past my own little realm. So, with much thought, I figured I’d start writing journals again. I won’t number them because there might be days where I don’t write any. I hope to gain something that I had lost somewhere along the way. But in the mean time, I hope I inspire some of you.

Topic: Why do you write?
I write because it makes me happy; it brings me clarity. There is a peace of mind that comes from writing as well. I can write and essay and feel as though my thoughts are focused. I can scribble a poem and feel as though my mind has met something entirely abstract but nonetheless exciting. Writing is a way of being for me. To write is to breathe, and to breathe is to be able to write. I love to write screenplays if an idea comes to mind, and I like to write poems whenever inspiration strikes. Sometimes I have to force myself to wrire, but sometimes I have to force myself to stop. Today is one of those days.

It Hit Me Now

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It’s hit me now.
Mouth agape, ushering a wow.
Not a regretful one at that,
But one that leaves me perplexed just at,
Where it is we stand.

I liked where it was going.
There was a thrill in never knowing.
But know I need to know.
Will this stream come to flow,
Or will a dam obstruct it so.
Nothing has yet been planned.

I’d love to go with the wind,
Find myself out.
Undo what’s been pinned;
Know without a doubt.

I want the excitement that I took as my own.
I have my own questions whose answers go unknown.
I don’t know what it is I’m asking though.
I just don’t want to hear another no.

This One

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I don’t know what this is,
But I know that I want it.
Things started quite amiss,
But the pieces seemed to fit.

This is real;
This had transpired
What is there to feel,
When much is desired.

I don’t know where my road is going,
And I’d quite frankly hate to know.
The wind is surely blowing,
Telling me it’s time to go.
The thing is that I won’t.
Even if my hands are painted “don’t”
Because I’ll do what I’d like,
Stand before the mic,
And tell you all,
That here, I’m standing tall.

Where Did They Go?

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It was a lifetime ago in my mind.
Months ago, if I had ever been so blind.
She’s in her own world,
Where my invite was misplaced.
He is lost in his man-made sea,
Where there’s no room for me.
And now that I’m back,
I’m no sooner gone.
Friends, I hardly lack,
But they lost me at dawn.
And I want them here with me.
Remember that my time is near.
Beginning with Dear;
Ending with Sincere.

Journal #47 – Three Things

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Topic: What are the 3 things in your life that you would like to change?

       That’s a tough question. I’d like to say that my life is perfect, and that I wouldn’t change a thing. But I think we’re both old enough and smart enough to know that isn’t true.
      Number One. I would have been more open to certain friendships in the past. I wasn’t in any way closed off socially, but there were a few friendships that probably could have blossomed had I been more open.
         Number two. I would have told my great grandmother that I loved her before she had passed away. I really wish that I had.
        Number three. I would have reevaluated my life goals back in my junior year in high school. Like, really think them through.

I don’t think that everything happens for a reason. I think that everything can work it’s way out in some way or another, but I don’t think we have a predestined path to follow. If we did, then I wouldn’t change a thing. That would mess up with the design, wouldn’t it?

Journal #14- Love, Love, Love

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Topic: How many times have you fallen in love?
Zero. None. Never.
        It’s not that I’m incapable of loving someone, I just haven’t loved someone in such a profound way where I can say that I have been in love. Atleast, not the kind of love one has with a partner.
I’ve liked a lot of guys, but I’ve never loved any of them.
      I’m sure love will come in the time ahead, but love just isn’t in the air right now. Love takes time, commitment, and honesty. I can take on two of those, but I’m not too sure I have the time. There’s always the summer. And yet summer romances seem somewhat sad to me. You know that they’re going to inevitably end unless you can make it last during the school year. And the worst part is that you know that it will most likely end; right from the start too.
      Also, you need a significant other to even play with the idea of love. And I currently don’t like anyone really. Unless I come to like someone relatively soon, love just isn’t on my track. For all I know though, it very well could be. It’s not something I tend to think about much though since my attention is usually elsewhere.