I like to jump from one thing to another.
It keeps me busy,
It keeps me sane.
It is such a problematic trait though.
I just throw, and throw, and throw,
Until all my energies are gone;
Depleted, defeated, destroyed.
There is a picture that I do not like to see;
A future of just me.
That’s not to say that I don’t like myself.
I love myself,
In all modesty.
I am strong and smart and capable.
Not nearly as ambitious and competitive as I used to be,
But I am trying.
The thought of being stripped of my family, friends, and potential loves is terrifying.
It’s lonely and bleak.
It is a recurring thought, largely ungrounded, but there.
It’s pervasive and sick, but I must question why it is an unnecessary weight that I bear.